I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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