I accidentally burped into my bong.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
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IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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