Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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