I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
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I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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