he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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