I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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