Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
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my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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