i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize