Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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