So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
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Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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