you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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