there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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