omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize