I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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