Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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