We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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