Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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