so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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