We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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