They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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