I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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