Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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