dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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