then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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