Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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