My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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