I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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