From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize