It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize