his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
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It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
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Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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