But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize