Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She even gives head with a lisp.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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