It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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