Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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