Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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