before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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