yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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