You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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