True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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