Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
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let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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