I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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