There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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