I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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