I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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