I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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