Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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