I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize