I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize