i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize