So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize